یکسال از روزهای سیاهچال دختران معترض میگذرد، (۱۱ فبروری) سال گذشته میلادی ۴۰ معترض با خانواده و محرمهایشان به دلیل ترس و وحشت طالب از سرناچاری بعد از گرفتاری زهرا حق پرست، تمنا پریانی و خواهرانش، پروانه ابراهیمخیل و مرسل عیار، راهی چنان مکانی بهنام امن و در اصل ناامنترین مکان دنیا شدند که با رفتن به آنجا قبر خود را خودشان کندند؛ اما نمیفهمیدند که با این تصمیم چه در انتظار شان خواهد بود. روزی به آن خواهم پرداخت؛ اما بعد از فرا رسیدن همان روزها و همان تاریخ.
اکنون با وجودی کیلومترها دوری خود را در همان سیاهچال زندان طالب حس میکنم و بهطور کُلی روح و ذهن و فکرم به همان کودکستان (زندان) معطوف است، دلم حال ندارد، حس میکنم چند نفر میآیند و مرا به سلاخگاه میبرند حوصله هیچکس را ندارم حتی با خودم در جنگ هستم، زمینوزمان بر سرم باری سنگین شده، مانند مُردههای متحرک شدهام فقط در حال تماشا هستم تا از من نظری نپرسند دوست ندارم حرف بزنم، نزدیکترین عزیزانم برایم نامتحمل شدهاند. تصمیم نوشتن آن روزهای سخت را در خود نمیدیدم؛ اما وقتی وضعیتام را دیدم که هوایم هوای داخل زندان است خواستم بنویسم تا اندکی از آن زخم ناسور تسکین یابم گفتم وقتی زندان میگویم بدون مقدمه اشکهایم جاری نشود، زندان باید نقط قوتام باشد نه ضعفام سختی باید مستحکمام بسازد نه فرسودهام… شروع کردم به نوشتن یاد آن روزهای تاریک و تلخ، تا مکتوب شود برای تاریخ برای نسلهای آینده برای نواسههایم برای نسل اندر نسلام، راهگشا باشم برای تمامی کسانیکه میخواهند برای ملت خود کاری انجام دهند، یعنی بدون اسلحه هم میشود جنگید با مجهزترین و اسلحهدارترین گروه، با تروریستترین گروه، این اوج شجاعت تمامی دختران معترض و مبارز ما است. بدترین تاریخ زندگیام زمانی بود که بهطرف خانه امن روانه شدیم تا زنده هستم فراموش کرده نمیتوانم که چگونه درد و رنج را کشیدیم فکر میکردیم این شب (۹ فبروری۲۰۲۲) جنازهای از خانه ما بیرون میشود حس ششم همهی خانواد بهنحوی بیدار شده بود میفهمیدند که با این رفتن چه در انتظار ما است؛ اما از ترس اسیری طالب با وجود دانستن اینکه جای امنی وجود ندارد؛ اما دیگر چاره نداشتیم راهی بدبختی شدیم و خود را تا ابد در این ننگ گیر انداختیم که خودما هم از زیر بار آن تا قرنهای قرن بیرون نخواهد شدیم، زنان زندانی طالب، حتی از شنیدن نامش قلبم آدم میایستد، چی رسد که انسان آن را تجربه کند. همسنگرانم! میدانم که این یکسال سکوتمحز به اندازه چندین سال ما را افسرده و روانی کرده است. مبارزه راههای پُرخم و پیچ زیادی دارد زندان، مرگ، شکنجه، آزارواذیت جسمی روحی و روانی که این زخمها تا ابد بر روح و روان زندانی ناخودآگاه باقی میماند؛ اما زیست یکجانبه که نه خیرت برای خود برسد و نه شرت به جامعه منطقی و انسانی نیست، انسان باید فکر و اندیشه و تحرک داشته باشد، راهی را که انتخاب میکند چرا تهی آن میرود و از تمام جوانب آن آگاهی کامل میداشته باشد. بنابراین ما شرمسار ملت و مادرهای (وطن و مادر) خود نیستیم ما الگوی شدیم برای کسانیکه باور داشتهاند زنها تنها به کنج خانه ساخته شدهاند در اوج از هم پاشیدگی ما رشته کار را بهدست گرفتیم در مقابل گروهی تروریستی صدا بلند کردیم که همه دنیا ساکت مانده بودند.
تکرار تاریخ و یکسال گذشت سختترین شب و روزها را برای ایستادهگی ما و برای مقاومت ما تبریک میگویم. میشه نامش را گذاشت تاریخ دردهای مشترک آزادی خواهان!
لینا احمدی، وحیده امیری، باسط امیری، نایره کوهستانی با دو کودک و همسرش، مدینه دروازی با دو کودکاش، زهرا میرزایی، ثریا حیدری با پدرش، تمنا رضایی، سمیه شیرزاد با یک کودکاش، عاطفه حسینی، استاد فاطمه غیاثی با چهار کودک و همسرش، مرجان امیری، سیماگل اکبری، رشمین جوینده با خواهرزادهاش، فریضه اکبری با همسرش کسانی بودیم که زندانی شدیم.
روز اول بعد از اینکه شب سپری شد، شاید ساعتهای ۶ صبح بود اصلن نمیدانستیم ساعت چند است ساعت را از روشنی و تاریکی صبح و شب احتمالی حدس میزدیم، هوا تاریک بود، دروازه با تمام شدت کوبیده شد، کودکانی که ما با بودند شب از شدت ترس و وحشت اندکی خوابیده بودند با این دروازهزدن از جا پریدند و به آغوش مادرهای خود مانند کبوتران نیمهجان پناه بردن و به مادرهای خود چسپیدند، دیدن این لحظات قلب آدم را تکهتکه میکرد، گناه شان چیست که این کودکان اینگونه شکنجه شوند. شب بعد از اینکه یک ساعت گذشت یکی از خانمها به اسم زرغونه آمد، مشخصات همهگی ما را فهرست کرد از وحشت اینکه فردا با ما چه میشود به خود میلرزیدیم که با یک جستوجوی گوگل تمام سوانح ما بیرون میشود و روشن میشد که ما چقدر و چندبار خیابان برآمدیم و چه گفتیم. کم از کم ما ۳۰ برنامه خیابانی داشتیم بدون برنامههای سربسته، بعد از اینکه در باز شد چند طالب با چهرههای خیلی وحشتناک داخل کودکستان شدند و به اطاق ما آمدند، یکبار طرف همهی ما به بسیار هولناکی دیدند ما در نظر آنها روسپیهای بیش نبودیم و ما را مانند یک چیز ناپاک و نجس میدیدند، ما از شدت ترس افسوس میخوردیم که چرا بهخاطر اینکه از بین برویم تا حال کار نکردیم، چرا خود را از بین نبردیم؛ اما با کدام وسیله؟ حال حداقل بهدست این وحشیها سلاخی نمیشدیم از همه بدتر وقتی اولینبار اسم خالهام وحیده را گرفت قلبم به کندی میزد حالم بهم خورده بود، دستوپایم مانند تکه کهنه از فعالیت باز مانده بود، وقتی نامش را صدا زدند و بیرون از اطاق خواستناش گفتم ما همینجا نابود شدیم همه چیز تمام شد شاید اصلن دیگر چهرهاش را هم نبینم، وحیده میگوید وقتی از اطاق بیرون میشدم به آخرینبار طرفات دیدم گفتم شاید این آخرین دیدار من و لینا باشد، از اطاق بیرون شدم آنجا در کودکستان یکدهلیز خیلی بزرگ وجود داشت وحیده را بردند و ما همه داخل اطاق ماندیم، از شدت ترس که حالا همهگی ما را به نوبت میخواهد و سلاخی میکنند یا حلقهآویز خواهند کرد، هر آنچه در آن لحظات به ذهن ما سرازیر میشد، قتل، شکنجه، تجاوز، از همه بدتر همین تجاوز بود، وقتی یادت میآید که هنوز روی دامنات گل ننشسته و حالا قرار است بهدست طالب وحشی این ننگ شرقی بودنات از هم بپاشد از خودت متنفر میشدی؛ اما چاره نبود باید با تمام وجود این بدبختی را تحمل میکردیم که کردیم. وحیده را با خود به دهلیز بردند و صدایشان به داخل اطاق بسیار ضعیف میامد که از وحیده در باره اعتراضات میپرسیدند؛ اما ما خون در رگهای ما وجود نداشت، خشک ما زده بود از اطاق دیگر مدینه و تمنا را هم به دهلیز خواسته بودند اینکه چی حس آنها در آن لحظات داشتند خودشان بهتر بیان میکنند؛ اما بعد از پرسوپال آنها را دوباره به اطاق فرستادند و ما از اینکه دوباره چهره همسنگرهای خود را میدیدیم خوشحال بودیم و همدیگر را به آغوش کشیدیم و من شکرگزار شدم بابت دیدن دوباره خاله و مادر دومم (وحیده). روز اول خیلی ترس همه را فرا گرفته بود مادران به فکر سیرکردن شکم کودکانشان بودند، نی نانی برای خوردن بود و نی آب برای نوشیدن، حتی آب نلهای تشناب را بند کرده بودند تا یک قطره آب به گلویی ما نریزد چگونه به یک کودک سه ساله بفهمانی که ما زندانی هستیم و زندانیها از تمام نعمتهای محروم هستند؟ هر چیز که بر سر ما میآید باید تحمل کنیم، این کودکها چه میدانستند که زندان چیست و زندانی به کی گفته میشود تنها دل خوشیشان همان اسباببازی کودکستان بود که با آن سرگرم میشدند و خوردن و نوشیدن را اندکی فراموش میکردند. با این منوال صبح گذشت همینگونه روزی بهطرف ساعتهای ۲ بعد از ظهر در حال گذشتن بود که دوباره دروازه زده شد وحشت همه جا را فرا گرفت، سلاخی آغاز شد و ما به سلاخگاه فکر میکردیم فکر کنم پنج نفر بودند که میخواستند از ما تحقیق بگیرند. آنقدر وحشت آن لحظات زیاد بود که حیران بودم چرا با این حجم ترس قلبم نمیایستد چرا تا هنوز نفس میکشم؟ یک یک نفر ما را به تحقیق خواستن و همه ما دست پاچه بودیم تمام مدارک جرمی ما در نزد شان بود تلفن، کمپیوتر، تذکره پاسپورت، از همه بدتر بیگها پُر از کتاب آنهم کتابهای که طالب به لرزه میافتید و به گونهی کامل با فکر و اندیشهاش در تضاد بود، رومانهای غربی و شرقی و تاریخ جهان، کافکا، صادق هدایت، تولستوی، فروغ فرخزاد، ویکتورهوگو، گابریل گارسیا مارکز… اینها مدارک جرمی ما بودند، در تمام دوره کاری وکالتام اینگونه مجرمین اندک به چنگال پولیس میافتید که تمام مدارک جرمی را با خود داشته باشد، دلم به حال خودم میسوخت من چهار سال تجربه دفاع از موکلین خود را داشتم با تلفشدن یکی از حقوقشان با دادستان ساعتها گفتوگو میکردم؛ اما وقتی نوبت خودم رسید هیچکسی نبود که از من دفاع کند خودم دانستم و جرمم و عذابم خیلی رنجدهنده نیست، سالهای اجرأت جزایی کارکنی و بدانی که یک مجرم کدام حقوق را دارد؛ اما سر خودت همه چیز نابود شود و خود به تنهای در گودالی که ساختی برای خود دست و پا بزنی. جهان جای بیرحمی است این را در آن زندان با تمام وجود حس کردم.
در آن زندان همه کوشش داشت که هیچکس دیگر از دختران معترض همتیمی خود را فهرست نکند هرچه میاید تنها خودش بکشد، روا نمیدیدیم که یکی دیگر از همجنسانمان این سلاخگاه را تجربه کنند، اگر چهل نفر ما یک یک نفر از دختران هم تیم را نام میگرفتیم باید بعد از آزادی ما چهل دختر مبارز دیگر زندانی میشد؛ اما خوشبختانه اینگونه نشد و این خیلی قشنگ است که هیچ بشری بهخاطر تو صدمه نبیند. وقتی من را به تحقیق بردند، تا صدا کردن اسمم برای دختران دیگر دعا میخواندیم که خدایا کمک ما کن و از این سیاهچال بهنام نیک بیرون ما کن. وقتی خانم پولیس آمد که لینا احمدی بیا، تو را خواستند؛ دم از دستوپایم رفته بود، پاهایم یاری همکاری نداشت مانند تکهای کهنه شده بود خانم که دید زیاد وضعیتم خراب است مرا دلداری داد که نترس گپی نیست کاری ندارند، شما چه کردید و دست خود را سر شانهام اندخت و من را به طرف سلاخگاه بُرد، وقتی داخل اطاق شدم چهار یا پنج مرد با چهرههای دود زدهگی و با لنگی و ریشهای بلند آنجا نشستهاند و ما در نظر آنها از کثافات داخل زباله دانی چیزی کم نداشتیم و یکی آن فلج بود به مجرد اینکه گفت نامت چیست از کجا هستی کلهام مانند یک وزن سنگین بالای سرم شد، گوشهایم بنگ بنگ کرد چند ثانیهای سکوت کردم آب دهنم را قُرت دادم پیش خود فکر کرده بودم که زادهگاهم را نگویم از کجا هستم؛ اما وقتی یادم آمد که همه چیزم در اختیارشان است با این چند گپشدن جنجالام بیشتر میشود تمام چیز را از همان دقایق اول حقیقت گفتم سرم بلند گرفته و با افتخار گفتم از پنجشیر هستم با خود گفتم از پنجشیر هستم با خود گفتم اگر قرار است بمیرم با افتخار بمیرم و همان مرد فلج با گفتن اینکه از پنجشیر هستم، یک خنده ریشخند مانند سر داد که میگفتم با یک چیز تیز و بُرنده به فرق این(لنگ لعنتی) بزنم که بفهمد خندهکردن یعنی چه؛ اما یکباره یادم افتید لینا جان تو مجرم هستی به گفتهی زنهای پیچه سفید که زیاد کلان کاری نکن تو وکیل نی مجرمی یکباره با این حرفهای خودی، سرد شدم و متوجه ماحول خود شدم، مبایلهای همهی ما را که در اولین فرصت دستگیری ما گرفته بودند روی میز گذاشته بودند. گفت کدام است مبایل تو، آروز کردم کاش مبایل نمیداشتم تا این عذاب را نمیکشیدم طرف تمام مبایلها دیدم و به مبایل خود اشاره کردم مبایل را برداشت و روشن کرد وقتی روشن شد انترنت آن هم روشن بود پیام زنگ پشت سر هم میاید که بعد از دو شب دیگر مبایل هم اصلا روشن نشده همه چشم به راه روشنشدن مبایل است خیلی با زدیت و خشن گفت کود تلفنات را بگو من یادم نیامد، گفتم بیار شستم را بگذارم یادم نمیآید به بسیار سختی مبایل را روی دست خود گرفت من شستم را گذاشتم، اولین کارش داخلشدن به واتسپام بود و تمام پیامهای که در این دو روز آمده بود را خواند و به زنگهای مبایلام جواب دادند خانم پولیس را گفت که جواب بگو بیبینم کی است چه میگوید من که بارها مُرده و زنده شده بودهام، ناموسات دست طالب باشد مبایل انسان مثل ناموس آدم میماند خانه شخصی انسان است هر آنچه در این خانه پیدا میشود. خوشبختانه پیامهای تمام گروهها را پاک کرده بودم، اگر پیامها را حذف نمیکردم قبرم درازتر کنده شد بود یک گروه کتابخوانی بود که چندینبار او را باز کرد و پرسان کردن این مردها کی هستند، از بس ذهنشان به جنسیت بسته بود یعنی برایشان خیلی سوالبرانگیز بود چرا یک دختر در گروههای که مردها است باشد و اینکه چی کتابهای را میخوانند چرا میخوانند حتما کفری است پیش خود میگفتم طالب کاش اصلا تولد نمیشدی چقدر دنیا جای خوبی میبود، شما از اجتماع و جامعه چه میدانید جامعه تنها تولید مثل نیست اینکه زندگی اجتماعی است انسانها باهم فعالیتها اجتماعی دارند در کُل خود زندگی اجتماعی است. وقتی سوال و جواب شروع شد حس کردم که آدمهای مسلکی نیستند من تمام تمرکز خود را بالای آموزش و پرورش گرفتم سوالشان با سوال جواب گفتم چرا دروازههای مکتبها را بستید؟ اگر شما تغییر کرده بودید باید اندکی تغیر در رویه و رفتار تان حس میشد، گفتم ما اصلا با نظام تان کار نداشتیم تنها هدف ما درس خواندن و دختران بود تا این قسمت کم کم جرأت میگرفتم و صدایم بلند شده میرفت که حتی وحیده در دهلیز به تشویش شده بود که چرا اینقدر سروصدا کردی، سوالهای شان هم احمقانه بود، گروهتان را معرفی کن به کی کار میکنید با جبهه مقاومت همرای کی ارتباط دارید، چند سال در روند سبز کار کردی، صالح چقدر پول برایتان داد تا به سرکها برآید و سروصدا کنید، خلاصه این سوال و جواب چهار ساعت طول کشید تحقیقی که در ظرف نیم ساعت تمام میشد؛ اما گروه تروریستی من را چهار ساعت تکرار در تکرار میپرسند و فشار میآورند؛ اما من تمام حرفم آموزش و پرورش است برایشان میگفتم وقتی خدا و رسولاش علم را برای مرد و زن فرض گفته شما نظر به کدام آیت و حدیث زنان را از آموزش محروم ساختید؟ طبعا که جوابی ندارند، بلاخره این زجرگاه تمام شد و گفتند ببرید اگر چیزی مانده بود دوباره میخواهیماش تا ساعتهای دو بجه شب تحقیق نیم از دخترها را گرفتند و رفتند، بعد از تحقیق همه یک شکلی احساس راحتی میکرد از ترس و وحشت سبک شده بودیم. و به فکر اندکی راحت به خواب رفتیم، فردا ساعت ۱۱ دوباره محکمه صحرایی آغاز شد و دخترانی که تحقیق شان باقی مانده بود بازجوی شان شروع شد.
ما همه خسته بودیم هیچ حال دلی نداشتیم فقط نفس میکشدیم، کودکان نان و آب میخواستند، پدردهایشان را میخواستند؛ اما از هیچ کدام تا سه روز خبری نبود تا اینکه مطمین شدند که واقعا این دختران به آنچه میگویند پابند بودهاند با هیج گروه سیاسی یا احزاب یا جریانهای مخالف ربط ندارند، اندکی بعد برای ما آب و نان مهیا شد و از تشویش اینکه کودکان چه بخورند راحت شدیم.
روزیکه اعتراف اجباری ما را گرفتند مثل این بود که جنازه ما را بخوانند همهگی ما سنگ شده بودیم وقتی آمدند و گفتند که باید در جلو کمره گپ بزنید این زجرآوار ترین گپزدن جلو کمره بود، گفتند ما این فلم را نشر نمیکنیم صرف بهخاطر امنیت خودتان که در آینده نگوید ما را لتوکوب کردهاند یا مریض بودیم پیش ما ثبوت باشد؛ اما ما را لتوکوب کردهاند یا مریض بودیم پیش ما ثبوت باشد؛ اما من از همان دقایق که آمدن و موضوع ویدیو شد به آخر خط رسیده بودم میدانستم که در آینده نزدیک این را نشر میکنند امنیت من چه مایه دلگرمی طالب باشد. وقتی نوبت اعتراف اجباری من رسید همین که داخل اطاق شدم یکبار به چهار اطراف خود نگاه کردم شش نفر بودند، سه نفر مسلح یک نفر پشت کمره یک نفر ورق بهدستاش که همان چهار سوال را میخواند یک نفر خانم که گویا نشان دهند در هر بخش ما زن کارمند داشتیم که بعد از آن باید شروع به حرف زدن میکردم، من به مجرد اینکه روی چوکی نشستم یکبار گلویم بغض کرد اشکهایم رفت خیی وضعیتم خراب شد نفر پشت کمره کمی ملایمتر بود اشاره کرد که راحت باش چیزی نیست، وقتی آن اسلحه بهدست گفت ماسکات را پایان کن از بد بدتر شدم دنیایم تاریک شد وقتی شروع به پرسیدن سوالها کرد و سوال اول را پرسید که چرا علیه نظام اسلامی اغتشاش کردید من شروع کردم به دلیل گفتن به یکبارهگی کمره را قطع کرد، گفت تو به فکرم گپ ما را نمیفهمی چیزی را که ما میگویم تکرار کن من با گلوی بغض کرده گفتم درست است؛ اما باز نتوانستم به نحوی دیگر جواب دادم باز کمره را قطع کرد، گفت در بیبیسی و دیگر تلویزیونها خوب زبانت بلبلوار میخواند روزی یکتا مصاحبه میدهی اینبار آخر است اگر چیزی را که میخواهیم نگوی اطاق انفرادی و سیاه و تاریک ما را هنوز ندیدی یکبار گوشام بنگ بنگ کرد با خود گفتم لینا لطفا نکن تو از تنهای میترسی حالی در بند هستی هرچه بود شده از این بدتر نسازش من هم طوطیوار مانند آنها تکرار کردم گفت آفرین تمام شد وقتی از جایم بلند شدم فکر کردم جسمم بلند شد روحام در داخل همان اطاق جا ماند تمام مبارزهام با گفتن چند کلمه تمام شد، مردم ما آنقدر آگاهی ندارند درک نمیکنند تا ابد این ننگ برای ما پایدار ماند مبارزین کیسساز چقدر اسفناک است؛ اما ما میدانستیم راهی را که آمدیم به کجا میانجامد طالب چگونه است با ما چه خواهد کرد وقتی به اطاق آمدم یک رقم گریهام گرفته هر چه که میگویند آرام شده نمیتوانم خیلی سخت بود. اندازه چند سال را در این یک ماه گریه کرده بودم دوست دارم هیچ انسانی در جبر قرار نگیرد تا مجبور به کاری نشود که دوست ندارد و این بدترین قسمت زندگی بشر است تا زندهای فراموشات نمیشود و با این حس سالهای سال زندهگی میکنی. به گفتهی چگوارا بگذار شلیک کنند آنها نمیدانند آرمانهای ما ضد گلوله اند و ما هم تا پای جان روی آرمانهای خود ایستاده هستیم. بعد از ویدیو عکسهای یکجای ما را مانند مجرمهای سیاسی گرفتند همهگی سرش در آن عکسها پایان است، نشر چنین عکسی از آدرس طالب برای مبارزین عیب و مایه شرمساری به شمار میرفت، بعد ما پنج نفر را جدا کردند گفتن داخل اطاق بروید، لینا، وحیده، مدینه، رشمین، زهرا ، نایره و دیگرا به دهلیز ماندند ما را داخل اطاق روان کردند وقتیکه بیرون شدیم که چه گپ شد همه خوش بودند که از ما نمبر تماس خانوادهها را گرفت و گفتهاند زنگ میزنیم، وای که دنیا به سر ما تک نشست از ما را چرا نگرفتند ما چه گناهی بیشتر کردیم همهی ما معترض بودیم گریه چیغ و حال روز هرچه کارمندهای خانم میگویند هیچکس آرام نمیشود ما پنج نفر فکر کردیم همهگی فردا آزاد میشوند، ما ماندیم گفتیم چرا سروصدا نکردید چرا نگفتید که ما همه یکجا بیرون میشویم در او وقت هرکس میگفت خودم و منطقی هم است آزادی خیلی با ارزش است زندان جای نیست که انسان بهخاطر آزادی حتی یک ثانیه منتظر دیگران باشد. آن هم زندان طالب، روزها به همین منوال یکی پی دیگری میگذشت.
یک روز رشمین یادش بخیر که وضعیتاش خیلی خراب شده بود دلتنگیاش بیشتر شده بود در دهن دروازه ایستاده بود، دو دست خود را به دیوار گرفت از اعماق وجود خود چیغ کشید با این لحن: «خدایا کجا هستی چرا احساسات نمی کنم مگر نمیبینی در چه حال هستم در این لحظات میگفتی این دهلیز با این بزرگی دو پاره میشود و همهگی به یک صدا چیغ میزد بعد از همین فریادها خدا صدای رشمین را شنید و فردا بعد از چاشت رشمین اولین نفر بعد از آزادی استاد فاطمه از میان ما آزاد شد و هر کدام ما به عجله نمبر خانوادههای ما را نوشته میکردیم تا که خبر شوند و کاری کنند عذر میکردیم که زنگ بزنید و برایشان بگویید که ما کجا هستیم تا غم ما را بخورند نمیدانستیم که هر روز خانواده (مادرم، خالیم، راضیه، مامایم) میامدند؛ اما اجازه ملاقات را با ما نداشتند. اوف خیلی سخت است برایم نوشتن این روز ها، خدایا شکرت از اینکه از آن سیاهچال نجاتم دادی. روزگار سیاه من و همسنگرانم روزها چیزی برای خوردن نبود کودکان بیچاره گرسنه و تشنه مادرشان در عذاب سزای عمل ارتکاب شده خود گیر مانده بودند، مادرهای خود را متحمل اوضاع فرزندان خود میدانستد و مادران افسوس میخوردند که نباید کودکان نارنینشان در این سن کم چنین تجربه سیاه روی ذهن شان حک میشد. روز مریضی استاد فاطمه میگفتیم همگی دخترها زندان باشد خیر اما کاش استاد فاطمه را آزاد کنند روزی که مریض شد مانند این بود که از آسمان غم به اندازه خودش داخل زندان افتید و همگی را فرا گرفت استاد دهناش قف کرد دستوپایش سرد شد سنگ و چوب به زمین افتید جسماش روح را تنها گذاشت؛ اما بعد از آزادی همرای استاد وقتی باهم گپ میزدیم به شوخی میگفت اسراییل به بردنم آمده بود هر چه تلاش کرد؛ اما دخترانم زور شدند و اسراییل پس گریخت اگر استاد را چیزی میشد در پیش چشم کودکان نازنیناش تا ابد فراموش شان نمیشد، استاد را با امبولانس به شفاخانه انتقال دادند و ما روزها در تشویش بودیم. او نعمت بزرگی برای ما بود میگفت دخترها نان بخورید نباید مریض شوید نباید از پای بیفتید باید قوی باشید، حال این کاری بود که شده خود را کنترول کنید، همه را نام گرفته صدا میکرد که نان خوردی هرچه است باید یک لقمه به معده تان بیفتد، با رفتن استاد جای خالیشان خیلی احساس میشد هم خوشحال و هم غمگین بودیم، آخرهای هفته بود که پشت بیگهایش همسرش آمد استاد در او حالت مریضی به کودکان آب میوه، بسکیت، آب معدنی، میوه… خوردنی روان کرده بود چون روزهای که کودکان گرسنه بودند عذاب میکشید، آن روز دوباره اشک ریختیم که یک انسان اینقدر خوب بوده میتواند. یعنی در این مدت یک روز نبود که ما آرام راحت باشیم یک درد ما تسکین نیافته، درد دیگر آغاز میشد بعد از یک هفته که ویدیو ما را شب نشر کردند همه خانوادهها خبر شدند که ما بازداشت شدهایم تا آنوقت تنها خانوداههای نزدیک از زندانیشدن ما میفهمیدند، دیگران خبر نداشتند؛ اما به فردا آن صبح همه خبر شدند که دختران در زندان هستند مانند روزهای فاتحهخوانی خانه ما نفر رفتوآمد میکرد بعد از آن خانوادهها را اجازه دادند که ما را بیبیند. خیلی سخت بود بعد از یک هفته چهره زجرکشیده مادرم را میدیدم هیچ وقت اولین چهره مادرم را بعد از یک هفته زندان بودن از یاد بُرده نمیتوانم کُلن شوکه شده بودم دستهایم را گردنش انداختم چیغ زدم چیغ زدم هیچ امیدی نداشتم روزی دوباره چهره قهرمان زندگیام را بیبنم، شروع کرد به فریادکردن چقدر گفتم لینا نکن لینا نکن به حرفم گوش نکردی کار خود را کردی میگفتم زمین دوپاره شود من داخل آن بروم به چهره غمزده مادرم نبینم تحمل آن حالت مادرم خیلی برایم سنگین بود یک هفته دوری مانند چند سال موهایش را سفید و چهرهاش را خمیده کرده بود، گفتم ببخش مادر جانم حق نداشتم شما را اینگونه در عذاب بگذارم آنهم چه عذابی لکه ننگ تا ابد بر دامن ما دختران زندانی مردم هم حق دارند که قضاوت کنند هر کس باشد فکر میکند که طالب چه کرده همرایشان طالب کسی نیست که در بارهاش قضاوت نشود. پانزده دقیقه بودن پیش ما دوباره رفتن میترسیدن که کدام بهانه بهخاطر آزادی ما نکنند چقدر دلم میخواست من هم دست شان گرفته بیرون شوم و باهم برویم کاش میتوانستم. یک هفته گذشت با این رنج طاقتفرسا هفته بعد شروع کردیم به اعتصاب نه به شکل اینکه نشان دهیم به آنها که ما هنوز هم همان آدمهای سرکش دیروز هستیم، به شیوه دیگر شروع کردیم به روزه گرفتن که من بعد از دو روز روزه گرفتن از بس مقاومت بدنم پایین آمده بود مریض شدم، چون اگر نان نمیخوردیم شکایت ما را میبردند جزایی ما سنگینتر میشد، نباید میدانستند که ما چه به سر داریم بارها میآمدند و میپرسیدند حتی به زور نان برای ما میدادند. نمیدانستیم که این لعنتیها خوش شده بودند که اینها مسلمان شدند تجدید کلمه کردند، از این قبیل حرفها؛ اما ما از نان بیننگی شان خسته شده بودیم پیش خود فکر میکردیم که بلاخره تا چه وقت از نان شان بخوریم، روزهای اول خو حتی آب نبود به خوردن اکنون چه شده که حتی به افطار بولانی میآورند، مرچ میآورند، یک رقم دلآدم به همه آنچه خوردنی به ذهن میرسد داخل آن زندان لعنتی میرود میگویی قرنها شده که هیچی نخوردیم بهویژه مرچ، من زیادتیز خور نبودم؛ اما بعد از همان مرچها زندان حالی نان بدون مرچ اصلا خورده نمیتوانم، برایم مزهدار و خوش آیند نیست. هیج یادم نمیرود یک روز یکی از کارمندهای وزارت با یک لباس خیلی قشنگ تابستانی داخل زندان شد من کاملن در یک فکری دیگر بودم وقتی او را دیدم فکر کردم که زمستان تمام شده پیش خود گفتم بیبین تابستان شد؛ اما هنوز ما زندانی هستیم وقتی خود تکان دادم متوجه شدم که هنوز زمستان است تو فقط ده روز شد که اینجا هستی؛ اما فیشن و پیراهن زرد با موهای سیاه دراز فیشنی آن کارمند خیلی زیبا بود مثل نامش قشنگ بود یک روز من مریض شدم نوبت نوکریوالی او بود من را کلینک بُرد طالب پرسان کرد که سنی هستی یا شعیه او گفت شعیه، طالب طرفاش دید گفت تو خو خواهر ما هستی؛ اما کُشتن شعیهها جواز دارد خونشان برای ما مباح است چقدر دردناک است کسی بدون گناه برایت تعین تکلیف کند، حتی خونات را مباح بداند درک میکنم که آن روز او چه کشید، مویهای سرم مانند درختان چنار بر سرم راست شد ما در کدام قرن زندگی میکنیم او خیلی جگرخون شد خیلی زیاد خودم را لعنت کردم کاش مریض نمیشدم تا او اینقدر کلمات رکیک را نمیشنید. دوباره بهطرف زندان آمدیم آن زمان متوجه شدم که موقعیت این کودکستان خیلی در یک گوشه دور وزارت داخله است تا خیلی جستوجو نکنی به آسانی پیدا نمیکنی به همان خاطر حتی داکترها کلینک نمیفهمیدند که دختران مریضرا از کجا میآورند چون وزارت هیچ کارمند زن بدون همین چند محافظ همرای ما کسی نبود حیران میشدند؛ اما پرسیده هم نمیتوانستد، هفته نو دختران یکی یکی آزاد میشدند؛ اما از آزادی ما پنج نفر خبری نبود و هیچ نمبر تماس از ما گرفته نشده بود برای ما میگفتند که جرم شما بیشتر است شما را محکمه روان میکنیم دوسیهتان را رسمی میسازیم جرم شما زیاد است، آخر چرا مگر ما همهی ما معترض نبودیم؟ خوب معلومدار بود بهخاطر پنجشیری بودن، تاجیکبودن، روند سبز و جبهه مقاومت بزرگترین دشمنهای طالب حق شان بود جرم ما را بیشتر بگویند چون پنجشیر جانم است و تاجیکبودن برایم بالاترین افتخار و من تا پای مرگ بهخاطر این افتخار میروم زادگاه زیبایم آزادی با تو پیوند ناگسستنی دارد و با تو گره میخورد. خانوادهای ما یک روز در میان وزارت داخله بودن گاهی ملاقاتی اجازه میدادند؛ اما بیشتر اوقات اجازه نبود وقتی پیش ما میامدند ما را دلخوشی میدادند و میگفتند قوی باشید خود را مستحکم بگیرید خیلی آدم را قوی میسازد این حمایت های خانواده با وجودیکه در اوایل مخالف بودند چون از همین روزهای که داخل زندان باشیم میترسیدند مبادا که چنین شود؛ اما شد روز اولی که ماما وحید آمده بود وقتی دروازه را باز کردن یک آفتاب خیلی روشنی چشمهایم را خیره میکرد به سختی میشد بعد از ده روز آفتاب را دید و نورمال بود، وقتی چشمم کمی راحت شد بهطرف مامایم بغل باز کردم مامایم مرل بوسید، بوسههای گرم… طرف دیگرم طالب ایستاده است طرف ما بسیار به نگاه زشت میدید مامایم خیلی شجاعانه گفت که قوی باشید خود را سرحال بگیرید مبارزه این بنبستها را دارد بخیر آزاد میشوید، تشویش نکنید. این بخیر گفتنهای او مثل نوری در دلم جوانه میزد و میگفتم امیدوارم که این چنین شود. بعد از آن اصلا مریضیام خوب نشد، خیلی دلم پشت خانواده، مادرم، برادرم، خواهرم دوستهایم بر هوای بیرون تنگ شده بود، میخواستم در هوا آزاد قدم بزنم؛ اما تمامش در آن در زندان تاریک ناممکن شده بود، همهاش آرزوی محالشده، دلم را از مهربانی خدا پایین کرده بودم هیچ امیدواری در دلم نداشتم؛ اما گذشت تمام آن روزها سیاه و تاریک تمام آن بدبختیها تمام مشقتها تمام دلتنگیها که تنها آرزویم دیدن چهره مادرم بود من باور دارم انسان هر قدر در زندگی سختی بکشد انسان به همان اندازه قوی و مستحکم میشود هر بادی به آسانی تکانش نمیدهد، سختیهای زندگی باعث میشود به چیزهای که داشتی و شکرگزار نبودی کمی بیشتر ارزش قایل باشی و تفکر کنی. روزها ما تاریکتر از شب و شبها تاریکتر از خودش بود زمانیکه بیشتر دخترها آزاد شدند و فقط پنج نفر مانده بودیم خیلی ترسناک شده شبها تا صبح دعا میخواندیم بعد از نماز صبح اندکی چشم پُت میکردیم که دوباره با دروازه زدنهای به شدت بیدار میشدیم. وحیده خیلی خوب بود حتی داخل زندان کتاب میخواند صبحها وقت بیدار میشد نوتبرداری میکرد من از تمام چیز نفرت پیدا کرده بودم خواندن، نوشتن، قصهکردن فقط گوشه تاریک و آرام میپالیدم تا صدای کسی به گوشم نرسد حالت تهو برم دست میداد، اولینبار است بعد از یک سال دلم به نوشتن شده چون وقتی مینوشتم وضعیتم وخیم میشد، چند روز به حال نمیآمدم؛ اما وحیده خیلی انرژی مثبت داشت وقتی او را میدیدی از خودت بدت میآمد انسانها هیچگاه یک خصوصیات را ندارند، مانند پنجانگشت از همه متفاوت هستند.
یکی از خانمهای که بهخاطر نگهداری از ما در آنجا بود با نام مستعار (مریم) خانمی از هم زبانهای خود ما خیلی دلسوز بود خیلی هوای ما را داشت، میگفت خانه تان میایم رفتوآمد کنیم وقتی نوبت وظیفهاش میشد طوری دیگری حس راحتی میکردیم. نمیخواهم نام دیگر خانمها را بگیرم مبدا برایشان جنجالی پیش آید جز دو نفر خانمهای پشتون یکی بهنام زرغونه که خدا پیشتر از ما بهدست طالب هلاکاش کرد اسم او خانم دیگرش یادم نمیآید خیلی زشت و بد بودند یکیاش در لباس خوبی بد بود دیگرش عملا و آشکارا بد بود، وقتی نوبت او میبود، مریم نوبت او را هم کار میکرد تا ما چهره کثیف او را نبینیم، شرافت و انسانیت هیچ وقت راه خود را گم نمیکند تنها انسانیت ماندگار میشود، جالب بود یکی از روزها کودکان دویده آمدند خاله لینا خاله لینا بیا که بچهات را آوردهاند، من حیران بودم که من بچه از کجا کردم تا من از جایم بلند شدم، خانمی همرای بچه خود آمده برای نگهداری ما بچهاش هم چی نازنینی چشمهای سبز رنگ سفید که از اصلا از من هیچ تفاوتی ندارد کودکان هم فکر میکردند هر کی هم چهره یکی بود همان مادرش است او بچهگک از مادر خود بیشتر به من شیبه بود،گفتم چطور امکان دارد از این مادر سبزه و گندمی همچو پسر سفید بهدنیا آید، دخترها را خنده گرفت. کودکانی که با ما یکجا زندانی بودن همرای همهشان یک حس خودی متفاوتی دارم فکر میکنم خودی من هستند چون روزها بد را یکجا سپری کردیم ۹ کودک زیبا که قربانی اهداف پاک خانوادههایشان شدند تجربه بد را به کمترین عمر خود تجربه کردند. یادم رفت که شب که اعتراف اجباری ما را نشر کردند را قصه کنم تقریبا یک هفته گذشته بود همه یکجا نشسته بودم فکر کنم سر دسترخوان بودیم در همین روز کودکان یک تلویزیون را پیدا کردند به کارتونی دیدن، وقتی ۶ بجه شام شد ما هم گفتیم خبرها را گوش کنیم یعنی در این کودکستان هیچ چیز نبود که پیدا نکنی کافی بود چند دقیقه جستوجو میکردی جالب بود یک روز کودکان بیرقها مقبول و کلانی را پیدا کردند و شعار (نان، کار، آزادی) را سر میدادند که مادرهای شان خاموششان کرد، گفتیم اگر خودما خاموش هسیتم حال کودکان ما شروع کرده به شعار دادن، بعد از پیداکردن تلویزیون ما هم تصادفی رفتم که خبرها را گوش کنیم باز در یک هفته گذشته که تلویزیون نبود شکنجه و عذاب ابدی ما هم هنوز نشر نشده بوده (اعتراف اجباری) یکباره یکی از دختران فریاد کشید که بیاید ما را نشان میدهد همه مانند مرغ زیر تلویزیون قرار گرفتیم با دیدن یک لحظ آن فلم سرد و خشک و خنک شدیم گویی سربی داغی را بالای سر ما انداختند من منتظر همچو روزی بودم درست است که خیلی جگرخون شدم؛ اما عکسالعمل خاصی نداشتم یکی از دخترها خیلی سروصدا کرد یک عادت داشت وقت گپی میشد به زانوهای و روی خود با دستهای خود محکم میکوبید از طالب میگفت که اینها گفتن نشر نمیکنند، آبروی ما رفت ما به مردم به خویش قوم چه جواب بدهیم آنها گفتن کسی از زندانی شدن ما خبر نمیشود کاری بود که شده بود دنیا از این ویدیو ما خبر شد همه نظر خود را گفته بود بسیاری جگرخون شده بودن و افسوس میخوردند که با این مبارزین خیابانها ناانصافی شده است و حقشان نبود که چنین شود. بعضیها گفته بودند خوب شد نباید علیه حکومت اسلامی موضوع میگرفتند بعضیها هم گفته بودند که هدف اینها خارج رفتن بود.
روزها یکی پی دیگر در گذر بود ۱۷ روز مانند ۱۷ قرن بالایم گذشت. موضوعات که تاکنون ذکر کردهام کُلی هستند بحثهای دیگری مانده، دوست دارم در کتاب زندهگیام جزیوار به آن بپردازم من نویسنده نیستم؛ اما دوست دارم سختی و مشقتهای زندهگیام را خودم مکتوب کنم، میدانم دایره لغاتم محدود است آنچنان نمیتوانم موضوع را گسترش دهم برایم مهم نیست چون هیچکس به اندازه خودم نمیتواند حجم رنج را که متحل شدم را تحریر کند؛ اما مینویسم روزی به این سطح نوشتنم شاید بخندم. روز یکشنبه تاریخ ۲۷ فبروری ساعت ۲:۴۵ بعد از چاشت گویا آزاد شدیم آمدند که بیگهایتان بگیرید لینا، حیده و مرجان آزاد شدید اصلا باورم نمیشد از بس خوش بودم میگفتم هیچ چیز را نگیرم فقط بیرون شویم با دختران خدا حافظی کردم چون تمنا و مدینه هنوز آنجا بودند دلم بخاطرشان خیلی نارام بود؛ اما مطمین بودم وقتی من پنجشیری را آزاد کردند اینها هم بخیر آزاد میشوند، از پنجشیری کرده دشمن بزرگتر به طالب کیست؟ من عهد کرده بودم هر وقت آزاد شوم در همین دهن دروازه سجده شکرانه ادا میکنم وقتی خود به زمین پایین و سجده کردم از اعماق وجودم در آن زمین سرد زمستان و یخزده آه کشیدم آهی که زمین را گرم ساخت و شکر کردم از اینکه در هوا آزاد هستم، نفس میکشم از اینکه بعد از این ثانیه دیگر من زندانی نیستم چقدر حس دلانگیزی است که حتی همین لحظ احساس کردم که همان ثانیه بیرون شدنم را، با دو نفر به طرف مدیریت روان شدیم داخل اطاق پشتمیز یک نفر به اندازه سه قد من نشسته چشم هایم برآمد با خود گفتم که چگونه تمام اینها چهره قوی و بد هیکل دارند انسان حد اقل همان فورم بدن مثل انسان باید داشته باشد خوب معلوم دارست که اینها در جمله انسان خطاب نمیشوند، برای ما یک ورق ضمانت را داد که با قلم خود بنویسید مثلن چه بنویسم اینکه دیگر هیچ اعتراض و گردهمایی اشتراک نمیکنیم در پاییناش هم شصت خود را بگذارید، وقتی متوجه خط ما شد گرچه من چندان خط زیبا هم ندارم، گفت چرا از وطن میروید با اینقدر دستخط خوب، بیاید معلم شوید ما مقرر تان میکنیم با خود گفتم باشه جناب تو ما را حالی آزاد کن باز ما میفهمیم که چه کار کنیم همرای تان اگر ۱۷ روز زندان شدن ما را از بابه و اجداد تان نگیریم نام ما هم مبارزین نباشد حیوانهای کثیف میشرمم از آن همجنس خودم که همچو جانوری مثل تو را به جامعه تقدیم کرده از شعبه بیرون شدیم، یک دهلیز دراز بود وقتی بیرون شدم خبیر باسطیار منتظر ما بود خالیم و راضیه و مامایم داخل همرای ما بودند مامایم موتر کلان آورده بود به بردن ما راضیه در همان لحظات شوخی داشت که چرا موتر را گلپوش نکردید عروسها را میبریم، ما از بس پشت این گپها دق شده بودیم ناخودآگاه میخندیدیم حتی در عکس سلفیای که مامایم اولینبار در داخل وزارت داخله بهعنوان تلخ و شیرینترین یادگاری گرفته همه خندیده است. داستان ۱۷ روز داخل زندان را اینجا پایان میبخشم؛ اما شکنجهها و دردها بعد از زندان که تا حالی بهبود نیافتم باشد برای نوشتههای دیگری و همچنان رفتن به خانه امن که آن خود یک داستان جدا است و هنوز بعضی چیزها روشن ناشده باقی مانده است.
روایت دختران مبارز به قلم خودشان در یک سالهگی اسارت ما من هم خواستم اینجا برای ماندگاری علاوه کنم.
روایت دختر معترض مرجان امیری
کسانیکه باعث اشک در چشمانم شده هیچ گاه نمیبخشم هیچگاه فراموش نمیکنم، آن شب سیاه لعنتی را که زنده بودیم ولی به حد مرگ شکنجه شدیم فراموش نمیشود درد جانسوز بود که تمام بدنم میسوزه از آه ناله آن شب، این همان شب است که ۲۹ زن از سوی طالبان دستگیر و به مکان نامعلوم انتقال صورت گرفت.
روایت دختر معترض فریضه اکبری
یکسال از سکوت مرگبار یکسال از تجربه زندان طالب تا تبعید و آوارهگی من و همرزمانم میگذرد. بلی دقیقاً شام جمعه یازدهم فبروری سال ۲۰۲۲ میلادی من به همراه همرزمانم که از ترس زندانِ طالب در یک خانه امن پناه گرفته بودیم توسط گروه وحشی اسیر شدیم و تنها جرم ما حق خواستن ما بود؛ زیرا ما در برابر ظلم و ستم طالب سکوت نکرده و کوشش کردیم دنیا را متوجه بسازیم تا افغانستان را به باد فراموشی نگیرد. آن شب یک شبِ سیاه و وحشتناکی بود که مرور آن لحظه قلبم را مچاله میکند، من هرگز نمی توانم چهره وحشتزده دوستانم را فراموش کنم و یا آن لحظه که ستایش و سروش دو کودک شش ساله و پنج ساله که از وحشت زیاد میلرزید. زنان افغانستان قربانیهای زیادی را در این راه داده و میدهند؛ ولی متأسفانه هنوز هم ما در اول خط هستیم و هنوز هم ما به هدف ما نرسیدهایم؛ اما شناختِ که از هم سنگرهای قهرمانم دارم حتماً روزی پرچم آزادی وطن عزیز ما را با دستان مان بر تپه وزیر اکبرخان به اهتزاز در میآوریم و تا رسیدن به آن روز میجنگیم.
روایت دختر معترض نایره کوهستانی
ساعت ۸:۴۰ همین شب سال قبل یکسال گذشت! زخمهایی که از بیعدالتی و سکوت دنیا خوردیم هنوز پابرجاست. وقتی طالبان من و دوستانم وحیده امیری، مرجان امیری، رشمین جوینده، فریضه اکبری، زهرا میرزایی، ثریا حیدری، لینا احمدی، عاطفه حسینی، سمیه شیرزاد، تمنا رضایی، مدینه دروازی، فاطمه غیاثی، سیما گل اکبری را بهخاطر اعتراض دستگیر کردند. آن روز آنقدر طالب دیدم که چشمانم پُر از ریش و تفنگ شد. ما در ساختمانی واقع در شیرپور که به نوان یک خانه امن برایمان معرفی شده بود پناه گرفته بودیم، چیزی در حدود ۸:۴۰ شب بود که متوجه شدم اطراف ساختمان توسط بیشتر از ۵۰۰ طالب و صدها موترهای طالبان محاصره شده، فقط برای دستگیری زنانی که مسالمتآمیز خواستار نان، کار و آزادی بودند. وقتی وارد بازداشتگاه شدم فکر کردم همه چیز به پایان رسیده است و اما پس از آزادی خود را فردی خوش شانس در داشتن یک انتخاب دیگر برای ایستادگی در برابر خشونت، بیعدالتی و آزادی مردمم احساس کردم، اکنون میخواهم بگویم خوشحالم که چنین تجربه دربند بودن برای آزادی یک ملت را داشتم و از بازداشتگاه با قدرت و مسئولیت بیشتر برای ادامه مبارزه با امید بیشتر برای افغانستان آزاد با شعار میایستیم تا رسیدن به آزادی و آبادی کشورم خارج شدم.
روایت وحیده امیری زن معترض
ما برای عدالت اجتماعی و رسالت شهروندی خویش اعتراضات بزرگ را راهاندازی و برای نهادینهشدن اعتراضات زنان افغانستان دهها برنامه داشتیم؛ اما بلاخره سال گذشته در همین شب من و دوستانم از ترس دستگیری طالب راهی خانه امن شدیم؛ با وجود اینکه همه ما خیلی از خانه امن میترسیدیم و هراس داشتیم و این هراس ما به حقیقت مبدل شد ما را از خانه امن طالبها بازداشت کردند. خیلی عذاب کشیدیم، روح و روان ما افسرده شد. هر کدام ما قصههای تلخی از خانه امن و زندان طالب داریم. همه ما ظلم را که گروهی تروریستی برای ما کردند را روایت میکنیم و نه می.بخشم و نه فراموش می کنیم؛ ما برای تغییر اجتماعی برای افغانستان ایستاده شدیم و کار میکردیم و تا جان داریم ادامه میدهیم. سال گذشته در همین وقتها از ترس بازداشت طالبان در خانهی امن پناه بردیم. روز اول در خانه به پایان رسید و شب شد. شب میترسیدم و هیچ خواب نمیکردم. هوا سرد بود با بغض و گریان به طرف هم میدیدیم وهیچ نمیدانستیم که با زندگی ما چه بازی سیاسی میشود. دلم پُر از بغض بود. ذهنم انگار میدانست حادثهی بدی در راه است بعد از رفتن در خانه امن و دستگیری ما توسط گروهی وحشی طالب یکسال شد که شدیدترین ضربهی روحی و روانی برداشتم. روزها و شبها مریضیهای سخت را سپری کردم و به شدت افسرده شدم. دردهای انبوهی کشیدم؛ اما انگار زندگی از تجربه دادن برایم دست بردار نیست. حالا هم با پای شکسته و غربت مهاجرت و بیسرنوشتی در دام دشمن زندگی میکنم.
روایت دختر معترض ثریا حیدری
آن دردها هرگز فراموش نخواهند شد! آن شبهای سیاه و تاریک، آن ترس و وحشت، آن حصار عظیم، آن ناتوانی و عجز، آن کابوسها که در باورمان نمیگنجید که بر سرمان بیاید. هرگز فراموش نخواهند شد چگونه توانستیم با آن همه ناامیدی زنده بدرآییم؟ آن زمانی که نه اشک مداوای درد بود، نه راه رفتن چیزی از استرس مان کم میکرد، نه میتوانستی فریاد بزنی و فقط تو بودی و حصار و بیخبری، از همه آن زمان که افکار وحشتناک ذهنت را رها نمیکرد با هزار علامت سوال یک سال از آن کابوسها میگذرد ولی فراموش نخواهند شد.
روایت دختر معترض تمنا رضایی
من تاهنوز هیچ حرفی در مورد سختیهای که از زمان متواری شدنم از خانه تا تجربه تلخ زندان طالبان و درد جانسوز آوارگی و مهاجرت متحمل شدهام ننوشتهام؛ اما میخواهم کوتاه از آن اتفاقِ تلخ و شب وحشتناک سال پار بنویسم. زمستان بود و سرمای که تا عمق استخوان نفوذ میکرد ولی من و همسنگرانام برای نجات از اسارت و زندان وحشتناک طالبان خانههای خود را ترک و خانهبهخانه دنبال یک مخفیگاه میگشتیم تا اینکه بعد از سپریشدن حدود یک ماه به همین منوال به یک ساختمانی در شهرنو کابل که میگفتند خانه امن است و امن خواهیم بود پناه بردیم. دو شب را آنجا با وحشتتمام و سرمای شدید سپری کردیم و هیچ کدام از ما لحظهای آرامش نداشتیم. من طبق گفته مسوول خانه امن بهخاطر اینکه ردیابی نشویم سیمکارتم را کشیده و مبایلم را خاموش کرده بودم. حوالی ساعت ۸ شب سوم (۱۱ فبروری ۲۰۲۲) بود؛ من و دوست دیگری که در یک اطاق بودیم درحال صحبت کردن درباره بدبختیها و آوارهگیهای ما بعد از تسلیمدهی کشور بهدست طالبان و بهویژه بعد از آغاز مبارزات زنان افغانستان (برای نان، کار و آزادی) بودیم، به حالت بیپناهی و آوارگی در سرزمین خود میگریستیم، درین اثنا پسرک دوستم که حدودا ۶ سال سن داشت در میان حرفهای ما پرید و گفت گرسنه است، مادرش گفت که از صالون سروصدا میآید برو ببین حتمن نان آوردند، بچهگگ رفت و چند ثانیهای طول نکشید که دویده و با چشمان وحشتزده داخل اطاق شده نفس زنان گفت: «مادر، خاله طالبان آمده اند و تعداد شان بسیار زیاد است.» من و مادرش که غافلگیر شده بودیم مات و مبهوت به هم نگریستیم. من از شدت ترس خشکمزده بود برای چند لحظه حس کردم کابوس میبینم ولی نه واقعیت بود، تمام پرسونل وزارت داخله طالبان برای دستگیری چند زن و دختر که تنها سلاحشان فریاد حق و عدالت بود، با تجهیزات پیشرفته نظامیشان بر خانه امن ما هجوم آورده بودند (تصور میکردی در خط مقدم نبرد آمده باشند). من که شوکه شده بودم نمیتوانستم فکر کنم یا حرکت کنم دوستم چند ثانیه بعد از شنیدن این خبر به سرعت طرف دروازه اطاق دوید و دروازه را قفل کرد، آن وقت من بخود آمدم و باید کاری میکردم، شنیده بودم اولین اقدام طالبان بعد از دستگیری دختران معترض شکنجه و تجاوز گروهیست، به شدت میلرزیدم مبایلم را به سمتی پرت کردم و به طرف کلکین دویدم، درهمین اثنا نیروهای طالبان پشت دروازه اتاق ما رسیده بودند. (اتاق ما منزل دوم و در قسمت آخر ثالون بود که پنجره و بالکناش رو به سرک قرار داشت) و فریاد میزدند که دروازه را باز کنید و گرنه قفل را شکسته داخل میشویم. دوستم با بچهاش پشت دروازه پناه گرفته بود و من میخواستم خودم را از پنجره پرت کنم، تا اینکه به چنگ طالبان بیافتم. فکر میکردم اینگونه مُردن بهتر از شکنجه شدن و مورد تجاوز قرار گرفتن است، از آنجایی که کلکین ما سمت سرک بود و ما روزهای قبل از ترس این.که مبادا از بیرون کسی متوجه حضور ما درین ساختمان شود حتا یکبار هم پنجره را باز نکرده بودیم و پُرده که خودما در تاریکی شب نصب کرده بودیم همیشه پاین بود. وقتی تلاش کردم پنجره را باز کنم نشد که نشد و آن طرف جنگجویان طالبان با خشونت تمام داد میزدند و با مشت و لگد به در می کوبیدند، من که قادر نبودم پنجره را باز کنم شروع کردم به زدن دستگیره پنجره با پا که بعدها حس کردم پایم زخمی شده و از شدت درد نتوانستم ادامه دهم، وقتی متوجه سرک شدم دیدم تمام کوچه پُر است از رنجر و موترهای شیشه سیاه، نیروهای طالبان همهگی سلاحهای شان را سمت بالا گرفته بودند تا به محض بازشدن کلکین یا هر واکنش دیگری نشانه بگیرند. من داشتم برای نجات از آنها تقلا میکردم که صدای از پشت در آمد و گفت: «تا سه حساب میکنیم اگر دروازه را باز نکنید شلیک میکنیم، دوستم چون مادر بود یا هم قویتر از من، جرعت کرد دروازه اطاق را باز کند، در باز شد و تمام نیروها ریختند داخل اتاق، من پیش کلکین خشکم زده بود با سلاحهای که به طرف ما سه نفر گرفته شده بود گفتند تکان نخورید، حس میکردم مُردهام یا هم خواب وحشتناکی می بینم، من دختری نترسی بودم/ هستم ولی در آن لحظه هیچ خبری از شجاعتم نبود، میلرزیدم و اشکهایم بیامان میریختند، به مادرم که یگانه دارایام است و خواهرانام که در یک خانه امن دیگر بودند میاندیشیدم و اینکه ای کاش با مادرم خداحافظی میکردم و یا بعد از من چه برسر خواهرانم خواهد آمد، باخود گفتم اینجا دیگر آخر خط است و…!
یکونیم یا شاید دو ساعت طول کشید تا ما را به اسارتگاه و شکنجه گاه انسانیت منتقل کنند. روزی حتمن از همه چیز با جزئیات خواهم نوشت. حقایق و چیزهای که واقعیت دارند را خواهم گفت نه کمتر و نه بیشتر،این را مسوولیت انسانیام میدانم. من و مدینه دروازی با دو کودک کوچکاش بیش از ۱۸ روز در اسارت طالبان بودیم، دوستانم یکی پی دیگر آزاد میشدند و میرفتند برای آنها خوشحال بودم، خیلی خوشحال. ولی این طرف برای تنهایی خودم و اینکه چ چیزی دیگری قرار است بر سرمن بیاید نمیتوانم بنویسم چه حسی داشتم.
دقیق بیاد دارم من و مدینه تصمیم گرفته بودیم اگر آزاد نشویم و طبق گفته آنها محکمه شویم، قبل اینکه از هم جدای ما کنند یا.. و یا جای دیگری ببرند ما خودما به زندگی خود پایان ببخشیم. میگفتیم مرگ با عزت بهتر از زندگی ذلتبار است. دیدن آسمان و برای آخرینبار شنیدن صدای مادرم تنها آرزویم شده بود، هیچ امیدی برای آزادی نداشتم؛ اما بالاخره آزاد شدم و حالا زندهام، روحم زخمی است؛ اما قویترم از تمنای که قبلا بودم. اینکه چقدر صدمه دیدهام را شاید فقط آنهای که تجربه مشابه من را دارند درک کنند و بفهمند چه میگویم.
نوت: یکسال گذشته برایم خیلی درسهای مهمِ داد، درسهای که شاید اگر تجربه نمیکردم سالیان سال زمان میبرد تا بیاموزم؛ حالا پختهتر شدهام میدانم چگونه در بدترین شرایط مبارزه کنم، تسلیم نشوم، سرسختتر بایستم، برای حق و انسانیت تا توان دارم تلاش کنم و بر ناامیدیها غلبه کنم.
روایت سمیه شیرزاد زن معترض
من سمیه شیرزاد نیز همانند سایر زنان سرزمینام در یک جامعه زنستیزانه که زندان بیش نیست به کار و زندگی مشغول بودم در کنار فعالیتهای رسمی تلاش کردم تا آواز عدالت خواهیام همیشه در برابر بیعدالتی و نابسامانی سکوت ذلت را بشکند. ایستادم، مبارزه کردم و فریاد زدم و شاهد مبارزه زنان کشورم از همه قومها و ولایتها بودم که چگونه در برابر گروهی مستبد و ظالم سینه سپر کردند و بار دردهایی از جانب این گروه را به دوش کشیدند. زنان در افغانستان همان سربازانی جان برکفی هستند که دستبهدست هم با قامتی رساء برای مبارزه از ارزشها و حقوق انسانی شان ایستادند و رزمیدند این را با افتخار میگویم من از جمله زنانی هستم که درد شکنجه جانفرسا و بودن در گروِ طالبان و زندان آنان را با سبحانم که کودک چهارساله بیش نیست، همچنان با دوستانم متحمل شدهام… مینویسم و میدانم برای هر یکمان آنقدر درد رخنه کرده که با همرزمانم درد مشترک شدیم. درست یکسال قبل در چنین شبی که سوز سرما تا مغز استخوان نفوس میکرد طالبان در خانه امن که بودیم با موترها و وحشت زیاد و پُر از هیاهو ریختند بر ساختمان، آخرین تلاش مان برای زنده ماندن بود و به یکبارهگی نابود شدم یک حسی دستم داد تاتهی وجودم درد کشیدم هی میمیردم و زنده میشدم؛ اما مجبور بودم به خاطر سبحانم زنده باشم و خودم را استوار و قوی بگیرم تا مبادا خدای ناخواسته این کودک از بین برود؛ زیرا آنقدر ترسیده بود هی میلرزید انگار قلبش بیرون میزد فراموش نمیکنم. آن شب که گروه تروریستی تقریبا ۵۰۰ جنگجو و صد موتر مجهز با سلاحهای صقیله برای دستگیری من، سبحان و دیگر همرزمانام را با بسیار بیرحمی و توهین شدن هر یک مان با گریه و زاری التماس و پرپر شدنهایمان در مقابل چشمان همدیگر بودیم به جرم خواستن ابتداییترین حقوق انسانیمان برای حق و عدالت که هر کدام ما چه حالت داشتیم زنان، دختران و مردان و حتی کودکان، نمیتوانم حالت دیگران را بیان کنم؛ اما از خودم میگویم در آن زمان بسیار خودم را بیچاره و ناتوان احساس میکردم و به آخر خط رسیده بودم. زمانیکه طالبان تلاش داشتند به زور درِ اطاق ما را باز کنند وارد اطاق ما شوند و میگفتند اگر دروازه را باز نکنید سرتان شلیک میکنیم ناخودآگاه تصویر وحشت و دهشت به ذهنم خطور میکرد و بهفکر فرار بودیم و خانم رضایی هماطاقیام قصد خودکُشی و پرتاب از ساختمان را داشت، زمانیکه میخواست خودش را به بیرون از ساختمان پرتاب کند گروه ابوجهل همه جا را محاصره کرده بودند و هر سه ما تسلیم به تقدیر روزگار شدیم زیرا آنها دروازه را با تفنگ و لگد میزدند و اخطار میدادند اگر دروازه را باز نکنید سرتان شلیک میکنیم و ما بهخاطر سبحان کودک چهار ساله در را باز کردیم و ترس ما از کشتن نبود بلکه ترس ما از آبرو، عزت و تجاوز ناچار دروازه را باز کردیم، آن زمان ذهن و قلبم انگار متوقف شده بود از بیکسی و ناامیدی فریاد میزد دست و پاهایم از حرکت باز مانده بود مانند پرندههای اسیر در قفس بودیم… دیگر نه امیدی باقی مانده بود و نه توان مبارزه بعد از همان لحظه گرفتاری ما آزادی تنها یک آرزو برای همه محسوب میشد که آیا زنده خواهیم ماند و یا همه ما را زنده به گور خواهند کرد، هر روز بهخاطر دارم و هنوزم تکرار میکنم هرگز فراموش نخواهم کرد و نمیکنم، شب و روزهایی که با هم بودیم و چی ه ارا دیدم و شاهد مرگ تدریجی همدیگرمان بودیم که آنها با ما چه کردند و چگونه در اسارت به سر میبردیم دقایق به کندی میگذشت شباش شب بود و روزش هم برایمان شب بود در صورتیکه هیچ یک از خانوادههایمان آگاهی نداشتند از اینکه ما در اسارت گروه طالبان بودیم.
روایت دختر معترض زهرا میرزایی
شرم بر کشورهایی که خود را مدافع حقوق بشر میدانند، و چشم بهروی مردم و دختران سرزمینی بهنام افغانستان بستهاند.
نویسنده: لینا احمدی وکیل مدافع و معترض
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